


Confusion

by Hiway202



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, One Shot, Originally Posted on FictionPress.com, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-03
Updated: 2017-05-03
Packaged: 2018-10-27 06:10:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10803348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hiway202/pseuds/Hiway202
Summary: I can't say much about this, you'll just have to read the darkness. By the way, try not to think to hard. You might hurt yourself.





	Confusion

I hate life. It's just so confusing. Why do we even live it. Why? You get up, go to school or work, come home, work some more, and then you just die. Why would anyone want to live. You just always have that gut feeling in the back of your head that you are going to die and you don't know when that is. You have no control over it. If you decide to go for a walk one day and then get hit by a car; you can't control that!

I like being in control of things. That's why I self harm. That's why I let no one in to my life. That's why I've considered suicide. If I kill myself I can be out of my misery. But killing yourself also has things that you can't control. Sure, you can choose how to die. Are you going to jump off a bridge? Maybe you'll stab yourself. Taking a whole lot of pills might even be your choice. But even if you have it planed out so very well, something can go wrong. You're big sister might get in a fight with her friend without you knowing and not go to her friends house like she was supposed to. Then she might go into your room and find you lying on the floor not moving. She will panic and try to save you, hoping it's not to late. Hoping the devil didn't already claim you, because surely God wouldn't want someone like you in his perfect heaven.

Eventually you'll wake up in the hospital and you won't be in control. The doctors will have you on some medication, you can't self harm, the therapist pushes her way into your life no matter how long it takes her, and then you are taken over. You have nothing your in control of. Suicide is a risky move.

But, if you succeed and end up dying, Hell will take over your life. You will be forced to go to Hell and try and impress the devil with your story of why your here and why God wouldn't take you in. The devil won't be impressed with your story because nothing about you is interesting. Everyone knows that. That's why they let you slip away. They didn't care because you weren't interesting and they just made room for a new person on this earth. Someone who might actually accomplish something. Someone who isn't meaningless. Someone who worships this "Oh so heavenly father" that is supposed to exist but obviously he doesn't. If he does, the bible is a whole bunch of bullshit. Someone who cares that much about anybody wouldn't let them die.

But then again, when you die, what if it isn't it. What if this whole heaven and Hell thing is a whole bunch of BS? What if you are reincarnated somewhere in the world as someone else and you get to live an even worse life than before. Or maybe a better one, but then again, that can't happen because no one loves you enough. So now, here you are. You used to be Lil West and now your Jade DeVille. You can't remember anything about your previous life because if you learned things from you previous life then what would be the fun for those people that laugh at your mistakes. That watch over the whole world, laughing and treating it like it's some sort of gameshow?

Or what if you are everyone. That boyfriend that cheated on you was really you. You cheated on yourself with yourself and the you found out that you were cheated on with you and you try and commit suicide but you find yourself and you lock yourself in a hospital where you try and get yourself to be sane but you can't because you aren't sane at all and you never will be. Did that make any sense to you? Well, I guess that you are actually me so I guess my question should be does that make any sense to me, but anyone that reads this will lock me in a insane institution forever which I guess that makes me lock myself up forever so I can rot so I can laugh at myself and say how much that must suck and that I'm glad I'm not her, but really I am and I just killed myself off and put myself out of my misery, but then again I'm a billion other people so I have to live through there pain and problems, too.

Or, for another possibility, what if you have a really crappy life and then you wake up as a baby and find out your whole life is a dream. What would you do to fix it? Or would you just say, "that sucked," and find a knife to kill yourself with.

That was probably unexpected by most of you. But, they say to expect the unexpected, but wouldn't that make the unexpected expected? Well, it makes sense because the unexpected is expected by the unexpecting people expecting the unexpected to be expected by the unexpecting people expecting the unexpected to be expected, but really if the unexpected is expected there will be nothing that is unexpected and the unexpected will become the expected and you'll have more unexpected stuff to deal with. But remember, the unexpected is expected so actually you will never have anything unexpected to live with, but in reality you have to live with the unexpected which is expected by the unexpecting people expecting the unexpected to be expected. By the way, that was a tongue twister, but you must have expected that.

And with that, I proceed to pick up a gun and hold it to my head. I'll pull the trigger in five seconds, but then again, you must be expecting that too.


End file.
